“Hey, can we talk about…” “So I’ve been thinking, and…” “Is now a good time to talk?” “Can I get your opinion on something?”

Focus on your partner and nothing else when they’re talking. Don’t think about how to respond or plan what to say next. Ask questions to make sure you’re both on the same page. [4] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 7 August 2019. Share your own thoughts or feelings when you can relate.

“I think we’re spending too much money on going out. ” “What I’m hearing is we should save money by staying in more often, right?” “I feel like I do everything around the house. ” “You feel like you do all the chores and we should split them more evenly?”

For example, try taking an art or cooking class together. Or, take your next vacation somewhere neither of you have ever been. [9] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.

Buy a small gift that’s specific to your partner’s hobbies or interests. Secretly plan an out-of-the-box date, like a concert or weekend trip.

Cooking meals. Washing dishes. Doing laundry. Giving rides. Bringing food or coffee.

Talk to each other about what you like and don’t like doing. Try scheduling time for sex or cuddling if you’re busy. Commit to it, even when you’re tired or not in the mood.

Give yourself time to cool off before talking, if you can. Talk about the current issue, and don’t bring up past incidents. Avoid criticism or judgment of your partner’s character. Use “I” statements, like “I feel,” to avoid projecting motives. Take responsibility for your own mistakes. Acknowledge that not every issue can be fixed.

If you want to eat out but your partner wants to eat at home, get takeout. Or, decide to make food at home for this meal, and eat out tomorrow. If you want a dog but your partner is allergic, get a cat. Or, hold off on getting a pet for now.

This will also put less pressure on your partner to be your “everything. ” In turn, this will make the time you do spend together more special.

Take frustration out on something other than each other. Work as a team to find a solution. There might not always be one. Communicate and adapt to new circumstances together. Remember high points in the relationship. This isn’t forever. Seek outside help from a friend or professional if you need it.